last sunday, we had a tahlil & family gathering at my auntie's place. the tahlil was for arwah my grandmother, who passed away on 29th nov 2008. 2 of my uncles were away performing the Hajj when she passed away, and just recently got back, so this was definitely a somber session... of course, we missed the tahlil itself cos Hariz was asleep, so had to wait till he woke up before we took off. my brother and parents reached Bangi first obviously hehehe...
it wasn't just a tahlil session though... my auntie wanted to hand over arwah wan's possessions to her waris-waris, hence the family gathering. before we got there, i wasn't feeling particularly sad, cos although her passing in itself was a something for us to mourn, we didn't dwell on it for too long as we believed it happened for the best. none of her children and grandchildren wanted to see her suffer, and i believe she did suffer for a long time. being an active, 'tak duduk diam' kinda woman all her life, being bedridden after partial paralysis as a result of a stroke was torture for her. i guess for most of us (tak berani la nak kata for all kan), kami rela & redha dengan pemergiannya...
when my auntie brought out arwah's things, the first thing that struck me (again) was - banyaknya kain batik wan! people liked to give her kain batik, as she wore them on a daily basis, but she always kept the new ones she got from her kids, grandkids and relatives and went on using her old ones... sayang katanya, plus obviously the old ones dah lembut, lusuh and sejuk... memang la best nak pakai daily! heheheh... as a result, the pile of new kain got pretty high in her closet. when she got sick though, my auntie started using them one by one, nak bagi wan merasa pakai.... after the funeral, my auntie told me to pick out a few pieces for myself first, cos wan dah sebut nak bagi some to me... so i did... took 2 brand new ones, as well as a piece that i've seen her wear often. it somehow still had her scent on it...
so this time around, since i already had a few pieces, i just watched while my aunties and cousins chose the pieces they liked. ok la if yang balance je i amik, since i dah dapat dulu kan... takyah la sibuk-sibuk, tul tak? heheh... masa ni i was still ok, but one item on the large table buat i rasa sebak sekejap... it was a jewelry box, the kind that displays a photo on the cover, and it had our picture on it... it was the jewelry box that i bought for her from the states, with an inscription about grandmothers around the photo frame... it was given to her maybe 9 or 10 years ago, together with a picture of us taken during Hari Raya when i was in Form 4 or Form 5, and she was still using it ('used it' is more appropriate kot now...)! i could feel tears welling up as i saw the box, but quickly controlled my feelings. call me 'buruk siku', but that was something i had to keep. the aigner handbag i bought for her at around the same time tu, takyah la kan... hehehe... yang tu takde sentimental value sangat...
most of arwah wan's possessions were of the clothing & bags variety. her gold jewelry was melted down and made into gold bangles that my auntie distributed to all her sisters and sisters-in-law as tokens of remembrance... makes it easier to be fair jugak kot? wan's stud earrings were given to my cousin, cos none of the aunties wore earrings, and wan's gold & diamond ring came to me... again cos the ring didn't fit any of my aunties or my mom. yang muat, my cousin & i aje, but since i tried it first and declared if none of the aunts muat, i amik... aci ke tu? hehehe... it's not really for the sake of the jewelry itself, but it meant a lot to have something of wan's that i could possibly pass on to my own daughter...
i hope, even though my grandmother is no longer with us, we as a family would still remain close and connected... let us sedekahkan al-fatihah to arwah Tijah bt Abd Jalal, may she rest in peace and may Allah bless her soul...
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