Tuesday, November 9, 2010

False Alarm!

5 Nov 2010

5.09am - woke up with numbing pain in my lower back, radiating to the bottom of my tummy and down to my right thigh (dunno why only one side...). Tried to sleep it off, but the pain kept coming back every 10-20 mins...

5.30am thereabouts - couldn't stand it anymore... the next time pain hit, got up from the bed and walked around... siap tendang-tendang angin lagi hoping that minor stretching tu kan relieve the pain in the thigh... didn't work *sigh*

6.30am onwards - woke Hubby up for Subuh, told him we should check it out at the hospital... the pain wasn't decreasing, and the frequency's been quite stable... took a quick shower, piled up our stuff in the car, told my parents where we off to (the kids were still asleep) and left for the hospital after 7am. Made a quick stop at Mahbob first for breakfast (I was hungry!!! And I bet it would be past breakfast time at the hospital anyway heheh...)

8.35am - already went through ER, and was sent to the labor ward... got hooked up to the monitors and waited for Doc to arrive... at this point, apparently I was already 1-2cm open, my contractions were very regular (5-6mins apart) but not strong enough for delivery yet... Doc said to wait it out since I was pretty much in labor then... going by previous experiences, told Hubby he could go home and see the kids first since it'll most likely be a while still... He came back later in the day with such adorable wishes from the two kiddies...

9pm and thereafter - Doc said labor wasn't progressing very fast (2-3cm baru ok!! after 12 hours!!!), so decided to assist with pitocin and see how things go... He's had 5 patients (including me) admitted in the labor ward that day, and 4 (4!!!) of them have safely delivered... stress makcik jadinya hehehe... patutla the whole day I kept hearing baby cries je.... we tried to get some sleep that night, but I was restless all through the night... the pain increased for a while with the pitocin, but eventually it petered out... a few were as strong as the ones that brought us to the hospital, but not much after that...

6 Nov 2010

8.30am - Doc came in for another check (I love this Doc, honestly... he came in at least 3 times the day before, and his last visit was almost around midnight!), no change in the opening (still at 2-3cm) and contractions have subsided, so he decided I could go home first... rumah dekat je, so no problem la :) I'm so glad he didn't propose a c-section (cos I know some docs who would say that straightaway!) or decide to break the waterbag yet... he moved me to the maternity ward first for further observation,

2.30pm - the monitors confirmed my contractions have subsided in strngth and are still manageable, so off I go back home to my beloved kids!! Bubbye labor room & maternity ward... see you next time I get serious contractions again!!

Today

I think I've lost my mucus plug over the past 2 days (never had that happen before, so I'm just guessing based on what I've read), so the signs are getting stronger... so far only Kakak's delivery was without any false alarms, and Adik's had 2, so dunno if this little one will be like his big bro or not... wonder if I'll be able to catch Harry Potter before deliver, or wait till after pantang... I hope it plays at least till the end of Dec or into Jan 2011 if so... sempat lagi nak fikir pasal movie hehehe, but it's Harry Potter ok!!!

Let's see how things go...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Counting Down the Days...

Am finally on MC... getting my rest before baby decides to pop out. At last week's checkup, Doc said the baby was already engaged, and he seemed surprised by it too cos this being the 3rd baby, it shouldn't be engaged so early... his final piece of advice was to try and make sure I get past this week before delivering... so I'm trying :)

You can say I finally succumbed to all the nagging my colleagues did about taking care of my own health & the baby's... I felt guilty about not being at work, but the truth is it's not going to work that stresses me out... it's the work itself, and the people involved in it, that drives me crazy (and ultimately clenches my tummy muscles... not good!)

So I've been resting at home since last Thursday, doing light errands, hand-quilting and also taking care of Kakak who's been unwell for the past 3 days.... it really is a relief not to think about work. I haven't even been checking my emails regularly. I field occassional phone calls from work too, but the clearest sign that staying away from work was good for me came yesterday, after I was on the phone for almost an hour with my colleague. The mess that's happening resulting from the changes our current superior was making in many things drove me nuts, cos they basically turned everything that we've been doing for the past few months upside down!

A colleague with a similar EDD has just delivered this morning, and she was actually scheduled for a C-section next week due to high-blood pressure. I guess her blood pressure probably shot up unexpectedly and the doc couldn't wait till next week... alhamdulillah both mom & baby are doing well so far... Now I can't wait for my turn to come, but hopefully it will happen only when the baby is strong enough....

Monday, October 18, 2010

False Alarm!!

Had a scare last Thursday...

It was still one of my days off, and Hubby and I had planned to run a couple of errands that day (plus get some dating time hehehe). We went from bank to bank to settle some loan matters, then to the management office to get some paperwork done in anticipation of the house reno works starting soon, and finally the post office to send off a package of altered tudungs to a customer.

After all that, we went to grab a bite to eat at The Curve, since we wanted to drop off the baby carrier seat for reupholstery as well. It was a leisurely lunch, since the lunch crowd were gone and we got our food in record time... After dropping off the baby carrier, we decided to go to Ikea and the Brands Outlet store to get some stuff for the shop as well as the baby (I still think we don't have enough clothes for him just yet!) All in all, I'd say we had an enjoyable, relaxing day walking around, getting some exercise while spending some valuable time together (and still got some important things done!).

Hubby had a futsal game that night, so after we picked up the kids from nursery, we went home and I had a lie-down like I usually do after coming back from work. Somehow this time it didn't feel as relaxing as before though... I felt discomfort all over the tummy, plus my back didn't seem to want to let up... I had a very light dinner cos I didn't feel like I had an appetite, so spent the rest of the night folding laundry in front of the TV and entertaining the kids while Hubby was gone...

I had a nagging feeling that the discomfort I was feeling wasn't normal, so started to time the pains when they came... Horrors of horrors, they were pretty much exactly 5-7 minutes apart from start to start, and they were painful! Not just a simple tightening of the belly that the regular Braxton Hicks would be! I tried to maintain my composure, but at the same time was firing off somewhat-panicky sms-es to a good friend who had delivered prematurely. Eventually it got to a point where the pain was becoming more unbearable, and my mom started noticing. I had to tell Hubby once he got back, but even then we weren't sure what to do... to go to the ER? We went through 2 false alarms with Hariz, and only delivered him at the 3rd ER visit, but even then he was already 36 weeks in... right now I'm only at 35!!! I was still timing the contractions, but since they were regular but the intensity wasn't increasing any more, we decided to wait it out a bit more... they eventually tapered off around 2am, which was about 7 hours since they started, and I finally could get some sleep...

The next morning I called up my gynae and described the situation to him... 'What should I do if it happens again?' In his usual reassuring voice, he basically told me to come in for a quick checkup & monitoring if it happens again before our scheduled appointment (and I assume that means the ER if need be la), and he might have to give me something to suppress the contractions since I haven't reached the 36-week marker yet... it's too soon for him to be comfortable with... He also told me to take it easy, so I spent Friday pretty much in bed and just pottering around the house (that put paid my plans to help out Mama at the shop that day!).

So right now I'm still praying that everything goes well... I'm extra panicking about work cos it means I really have to start my handover very very very soon, just in case... and I also have to pack up my things cos we'll be retrofitting the workstations while I'm on maternity leave (don't want my poor colleagues to have to deal with my trash...) I remember how panicked I was when I had the 1st false alarm with Hariz... that was a scare... and now, every extra-hard contraction has me worried whether the contractions are starting up again... if possible, please let this baby come not too soon... I want him to come out healthy and strong... this time around I just might ask the doc for early MC for extra rest, which I've never done with the other 2 before... I'd be happy to just sit and sew in bed during that whole time (it'll at least give me a chance to finish up my sewing projects hehehe...)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Tummy oh tummy...

My tummy is no longer my own...

It rolls around in unpredictable ways, at all times of the day...

Sometimes I get sudden punches or pushes from within (and trust me, it hurts!!!), and it takes a whole lot of rubbing on the spot to push the knobby limb in... even with this 3rd one, I can't tell if it's a foot or knee... luckily it's not a kick to the ribs, but still...

Baby's head is already downward, so I'm guessing the frequent fluttering I feel right below the huge tummy are from his hands moving about...

This is one very active kiddo! At last count 2 weeks ago, he's about 1.6kg, which was still ok by the doc...

At this very moment, the kicks have begun... I get the feeling this kiddo gets snatches of sleep during odd ours of the day and night, and at other times just loves to announce his presence (usually when I'm just about to go to sleep or get started with work)... you are gonna be a force to be reckoned with, kid!

Hooray for a break!!!

I'm off for a short break!!!

I've got 6 days of leave left, and am taking 5 of them this week...

So shoot me, I was gonna take 'em on a staggered basis... but since work schedule looked crazy for Oct, there was no way I could take my leave as planned... the head honchos are all away this week, and I really needed a break (physically and mentally), so my old boss said this would be the best time to go off anyway... Obviously, I could sense that my current remote boss was a teensy bit nervous about me going off, but I've told her many times to be prepared for my maternity leave early and to get my disinterested and disconnected colleague to be in?volved in our current project since he's supposed to cover my role after this... I've been worried like crazy about the handover alone, it's high time the others see the criticality of this and pull their weight too hehehe...

On the books for this week? Buy the required baby stuff that I've yet to get, think about baby names, start on baby projects for myself and Nin Ja Moo, and relax!!!!

9 whole days of freedom... whoohooo!!!! Dang it's gonna be hard to get back to work after this...

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Taking it easy the 3rd time around?

I feel like we've been taking the preparations for this 3rd little one a little easy...

There are less things to buy, since major items like stroller, baby carrier/car seat, breast pump etc we already have... we just need a new cover for the car seat, dig out the breast pump from the store... errr.... what else? Bought new nursing bras (which I can easily add to since hubby knows where I got them), initial stock of plastic EBM storage bags, breast pads, some baby clothes, and not much else!!!! We're not likely to buy a new cot, since the last we bought ended up being used more as a playpen rather than a baby's sleeping area! I haven't even been spending on little things like baby blankets and hankies and such...

We haven't even thought of names yet!! I've been so busy, so stressed out, and the preggie symptoms have been worse than before that sadly I haven't been enjoying the pregnancy as much as before (hmmm, how much did I enjoy the previous pregnancies anyway? hehehe)... even the Braxton Hicks contractions have started much earlier than before, and are more real than practice!! The doc had to give me meds to reduce the intensity of the contractions, since it's still way too early (at this point we're just into the 33rd week).

This week's gonna be a crazy one, but I'm planning to take the whole of next week off since I have 6 more days to use.... then perhaps I'll take the last day of leave at the end of the month, and just bide my time in November... I plan to use these days to catch up on all the other preparations we need to make, and hopefully get to make 2 simple baby quilts (one for me, one for my best bud) before it's time... Too ambitious ke agaknya? :) Ah, what the heck... I need the break!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

6 years ago today...

... our twosome was blessed with a third person...


Our darling girl is now 6 years old... she's grown into a lovely young woman, pretty, bright, caring, loving, playful, responsible... a good big sister to Hariz and hopefully the new baby on the way as well...

She can be aggravating at times too... but maybe that's because she's too much like me in some (Hubby would argue many) ways... stubborn and hard-headed, but soft at heart (yea yea, like the mama...).

We love you Kakak... may you grow up to be the best person that you can be...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Eventful Ramadhan...

I feel like this has been the shortest Ramadhan in memory... and one memorable for several reasons too...

In 1 week's time, it will be Hari Raya...

Alhamdulillah so far I've managed to fast every single day (and luckily gained 400gm too, so Dr Idris had no reason to berate me hehehe...)

Kakak managed to fast at least for half a day during the weekends and public hols... not that it's too difficult for her to do, considering her erratic eating moods... today she even got up to have Sahur with the rest of the family, eating 2 pieces of chicken nuggets and drinking a bottle of milk... I really feel that helped with her longest fasting period to date (ie 2.30pm baru mengadu lapar & dahaga...) My baby girl is growing up!

Adik managed to cut his chin (technically, the area of soft skin between the chin and the throat) falling in the bathroom last Saturday, and had 3 stitches to close the wound... he had to be held down by 5 people in order for the doc to sew him up hehehe... I was tempted to take his pic then, but didn't want to be a meanie... took pics of him later though, exhausted after all the crying and struggling... he is now officially the record-holder in the family for being the youngest person to have had stitches (from both sides of the family!) Tapi dah berjahit pun, bukannye serik!!

Got a letter that I totally didn't expect, and definitely didn't agree with... am very much toying with the idea of responding to the letter, even though most people would just shrug it off... but I really feel I need to clear my name, cos the contents of the letter were definitely untrue, and it was cc:ed to big bosses...

Finally baked my 1st set of cupcakes after going for that class last year hehehe... had a fun time making them with Kakak... yummy chocolate ganache as the topping kept the cupcakes nice and moist, and gave away a bunch to my colleagues for buka puasa... feedback seems OK hehehe, so I will most likely make a 2nd batch for Hari Raya and bring some for the in-laws...

Completed the 2nd month of operating the business.... Alhamdulillah there's been business due to the Hari Raya rush, albeit on a small scale, but at least it's not just money going out, but coming in too... it's still gonna be a challenge to build it up and get a positive cash flow, but I'm determined to stick with it... I am thankful to Mama for being the main man in this business... one day, I'll be there right by her side, doing this hands-on too, insya-Allah...

Am at my 28th week of pregnancy now... 12 more weeks to go... with any luck, it'll be less than that if past pregnancies are any indication... I'm really looking forward to having this baby, and the time off that comes with it... I may just take that unpaid leave too to spend more time with my family...

Hmmm.... what else? Well, Ramadhan's still for another week, so we'll see how it goes :)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Disillusioned....

After being in the corporate world for almost 9 years, I think this past week was the worst ever that I've had to face...

I've always thought that as 'small fry', I'm not under anyone's radar as long as I did a good job. That's all that I care about, anyhow... I'm not particularly ambitious, unlike some people who target being a manager by a certain age, a senior manager etc etc... and I've always thought that as long as I did my job secara ikhlas and for the good of the company, things would be OK and I'd have done my responsibility as a staff (I'm not even talking about appraisals here OK)...

Boy, was I wrong....

Of all the things to happen to me, to be the subject of a 'surat layang' was the last thing I'd think of... In hindsight, those in the know realize I'm just a scapegoat, the person to be blamed with the least degree of consequences, but to me it's a huge blow... To have your credibility and competence questioned in such a manner is degrading, saddening, demoralizing.... To be made the target, when in actual fact the powers that be are the ones people are unhappy with, is not much consolation. Obviously the person(s) who wrote and sent the letter couldn't care less about the impact to me and my working life, even though their accusations were so off base that no one in their right mind would believe them...

This episode has soured my working life, even though I've been informed that no action will be taken towards anyone... Through all my professional struggles, I've not yet felt disillusioned with the company and the people in it, but now I am... completely disillusioned with management, with my fraternity, with the unknown person(s) around me who wrote that letter... The sad part was, I pushed myself to the limit to meet the impossible deadline set by management for this assignment... The vomiting came back with a vengeance, my head ached all the time, my body was physically drained every single day... My officemates were all concerned to see me in that condition, but I had no choice... I forced myself to contain the physical and mental stress every working day for the last month plus just to meet what we thought were the company's objective, only to be told in the end that the management had a new direction with regards to the project... Top that news with the letter, and you have the perfect recipe for a mental breakdown...

My poor baby's been showing signs of stress as well, with restless movements throughout the day every day... No wonder, with the degree of stress I'm still under... If I could afford to take unpaid leave this very minute, I would... I just have to get through the next 3-4 months, then I'd be at home for 2 blissful months, away from the sickness and craziness that is the working life... maybe after that I'd be able to take that unpaid leave...

Other people may be falling over themselves to join the company, but I know for sure I won't retire here... This was the final straw, and when my time's up, I'll take my leave...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Stressed out and needing to get away...

That's how I've felt these past few weeks.... I felt like screaming my head off under all the stress at work...

I am drained... physically and mentally... and yet I still force myself to go to work each day and push my body and my brain to do the work I have been assigned because I have to... the crazy deadline we've been given made everyone push themselves to the limits, and I'm seeing and feeling the toll on myself.

I finally had to see a doctor cos of this pain in my tummy... turned out to be gastric pains, I suspect induced by stress... couple that with a throbbing headache at the end of every working day, you'd see a very pale and drained person after hours...

How I wish I was due soon!!! November seems so far away... I doubt all the craziness at work is abating anytime soon... new President, new directions that keep changing, new new new... I am seriously considering taking unpaid leave after my maternity leave is up, extend my time with the new baby... I've earned it, I think, after all the stress I put on the baby in utero... nak tunggu menteri announce the change in law relating to maternity leave, I doubt that's happening soon even though she's supposed to have announced the results of the study and the decision by now... as usual, politics is all about making promises that sound great to the people, without actually making a real move to make those promises a reality... but I digress...

Planning a quick getaway with the kids right before Ramadan... I've already told my boss verbally that I'm gonna take a few days off soon, and she understands why... So now Hubby and I have this weekend and the next to finalize our plans... Any good recommendations for a preggy lady and 2 rambunctious kids that's not more than 3-4 hours' drive away from KL?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Cramps!!!

Leg cramps usually start later in the pregnancy for me, but this time around....

ARRRGGHHHH!!!!

22 weeks in, they're already bugging me... a couple of times in the middle of the night and in the morning, but today the pain is still bugging me, long past noon!!!

My left calf was a hard mass of knotted muscles when I woke up this morning, and I'm still limping a little now cos the pain hasn't fully eased off...

Helpppppppp..................

*sigh*

Saturday, July 17, 2010

My Day at the Shop


My full-time job is very hectic right now, with a major restructuring happening within an unreasonably short timeline and me in the thick of all things on the back end... I am so very tired, both physically and mentally, but I try to hang in there... Luckily my morning sickness seems to have ebbed for now, but fatigue is ever-present...

So, am I crazy to hold on to my job, and at the same time run my new business? Maybe... but I gotta give it a shot anyway.... when I first planned this endeavour, it was supposed to take off during a relatively low period at work... we can only plan, The Big Guy Upstairs knows better anyhow...
Anyway, even with the crazy workload, I actually look forward to weekends, cos on Saturdays I get to go to the shop and help out... or do my part really, cos my mom's been doing the helping out on weekdays hehehe... So today, went to the shop with my mom and Kakak afte settling matters with the management office, and spent almost the whole day there...
Had some walk-ins inquiring about classes, and even had an order too!!! That really made my day :) In between entertaining inquiries, I learnt how to use a pleater (and did quite a fair number of pleating, I might add!) while my mom got started on cutting fabrics for baju kurungs and dresses... Kakak kept herself busy with her books, paper and scissors as well as the toys on display... Sabar je la mamanye kena kemas balik lepas tu...

Since I last took pics at the shop, there's been some physical changes, but I'll put new pics up next time...

I'm praying and hoping that the business picks up and sustains itself... I really really want this to work, insya-Allah...
All in all, I had a fun and busy day at the shop... here's hoping for more good days to come!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Beverly Collection is Open for Business!!!

Are you looking for any or all of the following:-

- designer high-quality American cotton fabrics for outfits and/or crafts?
- custom-made smocked dresses?
- custom-made children's baju kurung?
- beginner patchwork & quilting classes?
- smocking classes?
- pleating & smocking services?

Then make your way to Beverly Collection! We offer all of the above, and welcome any drop-ins :)

Ready-stock outfits are also in progress, so look out for those in the future as well :) More new fabrics to be updated soon...

Feel free to drop us a line at ciklynn@gmail.com, sms to 012-272 5578 or visit out little shop at Lot F16, 1st Floor, Centrepoint, Lebuh Bandar Utama, Bandar Utama...

Your support of our business venture is very much appreciated... feel free to forward the link to others! :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Taking my first steps...

I did it... there's no turning back... taking my first steps into the unknown...

Paid the 50% downpayment today... now just need to finalize the legal documents, make the final arrangements, sign a new lease, meet the part-timers, etc etc and get it going!!!!

No more wishful thinking, no more wondering 'what-ifs', no more time for self-doubt... it's already pretty much a done deal... you'll never know whether you can make it unless you take the plunge... so here goes nothing!

Pray for me, friends... pray for our success, and pray that this is the path that leads to what I'm planning for our family's future... Amin...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Good riddance to SPAM!!!



What is it about this blog that attracts spam comments?!?!?!?

I've got the word verification thingie in place, supposedly to minimize spamming, and yet lately I'm noticing that almost every post I put up will have at least 1 spam comment! Since I rarely get comments (heheh, sad huh?), I had to do some digging around before I could find where/how to remove those crappy things...

Dah le they were not in English or even Malay... practically always in Chinese/Japanese-like characters (sorry, I can't distinguish between them, but you know what I mean...), and if you run your cursor above the contents, they'll usually turn out to be URLs to dodgy websites that hint of porn... sickening if you think about it.

So now I've had to turn on the comment moderator thing, which is honestly leceh for me cos I have limited access to edit this blog during weekdays... but I guess that's my only option for now...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

13 Weeks Down... 27 More to Go!

Technically speaking I'm about to enter the 2nd trimester already... the morning sickness has toned down somewhat, but it still rears its ugly head almost every day. This is the first pregnancy I've had that has me retching so frequently and strongly that my saliva is tinged with blood almost every time. Scary wooo I tell you, when you see the bright red in the saliva! My gynae (Dr Idris) says it's normal though, considering I throw up so much... I should be thankful I'm not dehydrated right?

Constipation is another painful problem... since I found out I was pregnant, I had to stop taking my regular Nona Roguy jamu... so I knew I'd be facing my old adversary, constipation, very soon. True enough, despite eating lots of fruit (and some veggies) - since fruit is digested faster, sometimes that's the only thing that stays in my tummy pun! - each trip to the loo hurt like crazy and also tinged with blood (yeah, gross, I know.... sorry....) I envy those who pass motion daily and easily... it's an ordeal for me every time...

Makan-wise, my appetite is improving, but keeping the food down is another matter altogether la. I'm thinking about my upcoming date with Hubby next week - wonder if I can sit down in Chili's and eat my favorite meal??? Right now I'm feeling kinda peckish... lost my dinner tonight and refilled with fruit, tapi lapar lagi... huwaaaa.... maybe I should just go to sleep and dream about food....

27 more weeks to go... let's hope these symptoms improve soon...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Morning Sickness... Sigh...

Morning sickness... some people are blessed with(out) it... some poor souls have a hard time of it... those who go through it, some are lucky to get it for a short time, some even more challenged folks go through it for the whole 9 months!

Me? I am just coming out of the worst phase so far... I had a really bad month of it, but alhamdulillah this past 5 days have been sooooo much better than before. I remember going through both of my previous pregnancies having really bad morning (afternoon, and night!) sickness during the 1st trimester, and was really hoping this time around would be different. No such luck though! Went to (and through) work like a zombie, throwing up food and stomach juice throughout the day, and looked almost as pale as a dead person! I had plenty of plastic bags stashed in Hubby's car for sure! Didn't even have the mood to put a touch of color on my lips (cos it'll all be wiped out after a session of vomiting!).

Don't get me wrong... this was a planned pregnancy (albeit slightly off in terms of proposed timing), but I was really not looking forward to the sickness part. Luckily I seem to have gone through the worst of the phase without being hospitalized for dehydration (which has happened before), and I managed to get through the most critical part of the working year in this condition, so things are definitely looking up! 9 weeks down, 31 more to go!

Heck, I'm finally posting another entry after more than 1 month hehehe... that's an indication of improved health, dontcha think? :)

Now... I wonder when I'll be OK enough (or be in an able position) to start sewing again? My poor sewing machine's been in storage for ages now, with all my works-in-progress still in progress too!!!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

At the Crossroads...

I've been thinking of an exit plan for some time now... I somehow doubt I'll be continuing in my current career, as the longer I work in the company, the more hours I 'have to' devote to it. As it is, we leave the house latest by 7.15am every day, and I (not Hubby) leave the office around 8pm almost every day (more often than not, poor Hubby has to wait for me unless I can get a ride home from my brother or my nice, understanding boss). Even though it doesn't feel that tiring when I'm at work, as soon as I get home, the full force hits me and I feel dead tired. And yet there's still help to be given in my mom's kitchen, housework and laundry to do, and the poor dears who have to bear the brunt of my moodiness are my beloved Hubby and kids... it's definitely unhealthy physically, mentally and emotionally!

I long for something that will occupy my time for several hours each day, bring me a decent income to support my family and myself (very important one, that! heheh), give me the satisfaction of doing something tangible and worthwhile, allow me the flexibility to manage my home and family, and not require me to run in the daily rat race we're in now...

Some time ago I came across an opportunity to begin my exit plan... I've discussed it with my mom (who for the time being has been identified to be my main 'banker' and partner), Hubby, as well as several close friends. I also sought advice from a successful entrepreneur and from another close friend whose mom has her own small retail business.

I'm still weighing the pros and cons, but the big pro is of course the possibility of someday managing it on my own fulltime, which will give me the flexibility that I want. The major con is, no surprise, MONEY.... I can manage to get the payment to get the plan started, but what if despite all my planning and research, I lose money? I'd still have rent payments to make, inventory to manage, loans to repay... that is honestly my biggest worry. I also worry about not having an entrepreneurial streak in my entire body, and that I'd be making the biggest mistake in my life.

I enjoy being in the corporate environment, being around the good people that I work with, and of course the benefits and salary that comes with the job. But I feel deep in my heart that I don't have it in me to climb up the corporate ladder - I'm content just to do the job that I have to the best of my ability, without worrying that I have to come up on top of everyone else in order to survive in the company. I don't know for how much longer I can keep up with the long hours demanded out of me. I also know I lack the skills to handle office and corporate politics - I am polite but direct and to the point when giving feedback to the people in our fraternity, which is unfortunately not as open as the rest of the company. As such, my future in the company may not be that secure for me in time to come.

It's been more than a month since that opportunity presented itself. I've yet to make up my mind, and the other party (for reasons that they've mentioned, and also perhaps for their own hidden reasons) seem to be anxious for me to decide in their favor... I'm currently trying to negotiate better terms, but all indications from the other side seem to point to a final offer so a reduced price may not materialize.

I should make up my mind... soon... should I play it safe, and continue working as long as I can until I reach my absolute limit before making my move? Or should I be bold and give it a shot now, while I still have the stability of a steady paycheck and the support of my family to assist me in this endeavour before going into it fulltime later, despite the potential monetary risks?

Ya Allah, give me your guidance, and help this poor soul to decide what's best for herself and her family... Amin...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Straight out of the movies...

You know how you see something in the movies and think 'That's never gonna happen to us...'?

Well, think of 'One Fine Day', Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney, and the scene where her son sticks something up his nose and George gets all panicky etc... well, Adik stuffed something up his nose, and we didn't even know he did it!!

The first inkling something was off was the smell... Adik ni masam, the yummy kind of masam, but over the past few days I noticed a funny smell coming from his nose... at first we thought it was due to his stuffy nose, but even after his cold cleared the smell was still there.

So last night we took him to the clinic to check it out... our best guess was 'agaknya luka dalam hidung sebab selsema tu dah melarat kot...' Imagine our surprise when the doc said 'I see something white inside his nose'!!!

Using very small forceps, she gently pulled out whatever's in my boy's nose... no wonder he never complained of any pain, cos the 'thing' was actually a small piece of sponge!!! God knows where he got it from, and how long it's been in his nose... bertuah punye budak! He was fine throughout the procedure though, except for watery eyes... I never thought I'd be in this kind of situation, ever! We never had anything like this with Kakak...

That's my boy... that cheeky, naughty, adorable, lovable boy... he definitely cannot be left alone!! Pening kepala mama macam ni dik...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Resolutions... new year notwithstanding

I don't recall ever making New Year's resolutions before... to me resolutions can be made at any time of the year, don't you agree?

I've had several resolutions in my mind for quite some time (since last year, I think), but have never publicly or privately documented them. So now, almost 10 days into 2010, I feel like writing these down in no particular order (simply because I feel putting them into solid words would strengthen them, and in return strengthen my resolve to actually achieve them):-

1 - to not come home so late from work (sadly, I left the office after 8pm on 3 out of 5 days this week... will try harder next week onwards but I know March to June would be a huge challenge for me...). Work-life balance, work-life balance, work-life balance... maybe if I repeat it over and over again I can actually find that point of balance?

2 - to sew more and build up a stock of selected items, and try more new patterns/items to make to enhance my skills...

3 - to figure out what I want to do... do I wanna stay as an employee makan gaji? Do I want to remain an employee, but be in a totally different job function? Do I want to branch out on my own? Do I have what it takes to be on my own, if that is my choice? Sigh.... career direction... does anyone know a good career counselor (not the school counselor ye... never felt they gave any good advice when I was in school)? Who knows, I may not even get a choice in the future... job security is longer a sure thing these days in the company...

4 - to be more patient with my loved ones... somehow I keep my temper better with people at work (even those who damn well deserve a tongue-lashing) than with my dearest and nearest... definitely need to work on that pronto...

5 - to source for the best home-loan package available out there... need to seriously get started on refinancing the house (this is related to item no 3... in case I decide to strike out...)

For now, these are the key items... I hope I'll be able to achieve them, in the timing that He has determined... may I be wise enough to know and understand that when the time comes...

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

The kids stayed up to watch the fireworks show from both 1Utama and The Curve...

The view from my parents' house memang very nice, cos you get to see both malls' displays. Kakak definitely enjoyed the show, but Adik clung tight to me and my dad hehehe... Adik, Adik... chicken jugak anak mama ni...

Happy New Year everyone... may this year be better than the last, and may you be one step closer towards achieving your goals...