Saturday, January 17, 2009

possessions & remembrance...

last sunday, we had a tahlil & family gathering at my auntie's place. the tahlil was for arwah my grandmother, who passed away on 29th nov 2008. 2 of my uncles were away performing the Hajj when she passed away, and just recently got back, so this was definitely a somber session... of course, we missed the tahlil itself cos Hariz was asleep, so had to wait till he woke up before we took off. my brother and parents reached Bangi first obviously hehehe...

it wasn't just a tahlil session though... my auntie wanted to hand over arwah wan's possessions to her waris-waris, hence the family gathering. before we got there, i wasn't feeling particularly sad, cos although her passing in itself was a something for us to mourn, we didn't dwell on it for too long as we believed it happened for the best. none of her children and grandchildren wanted to see her suffer, and i believe she did suffer for a long time. being an active, 'tak duduk diam' kinda woman all her life, being bedridden after partial paralysis as a result of a stroke was torture for her. i guess for most of us (tak berani la nak kata for all kan), kami rela & redha dengan pemergiannya...

when my auntie brought out arwah's things, the first thing that struck me (again) was - banyaknya kain batik wan! people liked to give her kain batik, as she wore them on a daily basis, but she always kept the new ones she got from her kids, grandkids and relatives and went on using her old ones... sayang katanya, plus obviously the old ones dah lembut, lusuh and sejuk... memang la best nak pakai daily! heheheh... as a result, the pile of new kain got pretty high in her closet. when she got sick though, my auntie started using them one by one, nak bagi wan merasa pakai.... after the funeral, my auntie told me to pick out a few pieces for myself first, cos wan dah sebut nak bagi some to me... so i did... took 2 brand new ones, as well as a piece that i've seen her wear often. it somehow still had her scent on it...

so this time around, since i already had a few pieces, i just watched while my aunties and cousins chose the pieces they liked. ok la if yang balance je i amik, since i dah dapat dulu kan... takyah la sibuk-sibuk, tul tak? heheh... masa ni i was still ok, but one item on the large table buat i rasa sebak sekejap... it was a jewelry box, the kind that displays a photo on the cover, and it had our picture on it... it was the jewelry box that i bought for her from the states, with an inscription about grandmothers around the photo frame... it was given to her maybe 9 or 10 years ago, together with a picture of us taken during Hari Raya when i was in Form 4 or Form 5, and she was still using it ('used it' is more appropriate kot now...)! i could feel tears welling up as i saw the box, but quickly controlled my feelings. call me 'buruk siku', but that was something i had to keep. the aigner handbag i bought for her at around the same time tu, takyah la kan... hehehe... yang tu takde sentimental value sangat...

most of arwah wan's possessions were of the clothing & bags variety. her gold jewelry was melted down and made into gold bangles that my auntie distributed to all her sisters and sisters-in-law as tokens of remembrance... makes it easier to be fair jugak kot? wan's stud earrings were given to my cousin, cos none of the aunties wore earrings, and wan's gold & diamond ring came to me... again cos the ring didn't fit any of my aunties or my mom. yang muat, my cousin & i aje, but since i tried it first and declared if none of the aunts muat, i amik... aci ke tu? hehehe... it's not really for the sake of the jewelry itself, but it meant a lot to have something of wan's that i could possibly pass on to my own daughter...

i hope, even though my grandmother is no longer with us, we as a family would still remain close and connected... let us sedekahkan al-fatihah to arwah Tijah bt Abd Jalal, may she rest in peace and may Allah bless her soul...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

balik kampung

'balik kampung... wooo oooo ooo balik kampung.... wooo oooo ooo balik kampung.... hati riang (or is it girang?)'...

i used to sing that song (not out loud all the time la hehehe) whenever i was planning to 'balik kampung' - be it from the boarding school, or from the states... now that phrase is applicable when i go back to my parents' place, ever since our official move hehehe...

my kids are still adjusting to the move... last night before we left my parents' place after dinner, i told Amani to get ready cos 'kite nak balik rumah'. she looked at me with this confused look on her face and said, 'nak balik rumah kite? banyaknye balik rumah kite...' guess she doesn't quite grasp the concept of moving. she knows the condo is 'rumah kite', but since at the moment she only gets home in time to go to bed, she still spends more time at her atok's place than her own...

this morning, hubby brought them down to the playground before their bath. both kids were thrilled to go (well, Amani excited la nak main swing etc etc... Adik just wanted to run around!!) so that gave me time to do the laundry, put our clothes in order, etc in peace hehe. rupa-rupanya, while they were at the playground, Amani told him she wanted to bathe at her grandparents' place... cos they went down before taking their bath hehehe, which was what they do sometimes at my parents' house during the weekends. hubby of course said no, we bathe here la... then she went on to say she wants to run around in atok & opah's garden... anakku rindu kat kampung rupanya...

so here we are... 'balik kampung'... for the first time my kids can use that phrase to refer to my childhood home...

as for me, i'm still adjusting too... tuning my body-clock to think that 5.30am is a perfectly reasonable time to wake up, and that midnight is the best time to fall asleep... eventually this reduced sleep will lead to some weight loss (i hope!!! my tummy's looking a leeeetle bit more rounded that i what it used to be... aw heck, dah buncit laaaaa, terpaksa ngaku pada diri sendiri! nak diet, tak kuasa beb!). hopefully i can manage to take cat naps every morning on the lrt to keep me alert at work :p on the plus side, this week i've signed in at work early, so i don't feel bad about not staying back too long after office hours hehehe...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

moving...

tonight is officialy our last night here at my parents' house... after 5 years of marriage and 2 kids, we are finally moving to our own place.

it's a huge step for us... for me... this has been my home for the past 16 years...

don't get me wrong, i'm always thrilled to be in my own place. i loved moving into my dorm during freshman year, and similarly loved the whole process and experience of moving into an apartment the next year with my friends... the choosing of the apartment, the furniture hunting, setting up the place, finding stuff to decorate our rooms... having a kitchen to work with (of course, the cooking was basic la... whatdidja expect? :p) going grocery shopping, paying the bills, maintaining the place... it's not like i've never lived on my own before. i know what to expect when it comes to having your own place.

even so... this house is special to me... i've lived here since my younger days... this was also where i first started life as a married woman, and my kids have always known 'Atok & Opah's house' as their own too... this will be a big adjustment for everyone. granted, this move is way overdue, considering that there's now 4 of us living in a 10x14 bedroom and our condo was ready some time ago (read: complete with furniture ok!) but a lot of things happened in between to delay it. and now, this is it! i guess we're lucky in the sense that my parents aren't the kind to insist that all their kids cling to them and stay at home. they're both kinda of the mindset that kids should learn to be independent (but if you're still single and working in kl, stay at home la! don't waste money renting at another place! hehehe) i'm just sorry that they'll get to spend less time with their grandkids. honestly, without the kids in the house, it feels kinda empty without the noise (tears and laughter both).

the good thing is, both kiddies will still lepak here after nursery before we go home to our own place, since my mom (and my dad) don't want the kids to stay at the nursery on overtime. gives them a chance to play with them still every day... i hope mama & abah don't get too lonely without them... of course, they're more than welcome to spend the night at our place anytime! :)

wish us luck!

back to work

back at work after a week away, and already i wished i didn't have to come to work. honestly, it felt good to be at home... to spend time with my hubby and kids, to plan for our place, to do what needs to be done for the house (of course, this is no indication whatsoever that i would make a great housewife hehehe). it's totally liberating to do things my way, without feeling that someone else is going to judge me on what i do and give me a rating as he/she sees fit... to do things simply because they need to be done, not because they're nice to have...

oh well...